By Majekodunmi Oseriemen Ebhohon

They say the country is hard.

That pepper now trades like gold,

That Naira sleeps in the ICU

Jollof? On sabbatical.

That even sachet water

now needs a guarantor.

But me?

I laugh.

Ha Ha Ha!

I just laugh.

I laugh at their stupidity.

I laugh at their buffoonery.

How can you tell me Nigeria is bad

when I, Chief Ground Inspector,

have picked money on the floor

three days… three good days, in a row?

Day One, it was ₦500, beside

one gutter.

Day Two, ₦1,000, near mama Chinedu’s

fried yam stand.

Day Three, ₦200,

beneath a stubborn mango tree

that has refused to bear fruit!

You see?

Tinubu is working!

Only a working government

drops money from the sky!

Because if Nigerians were suffering,

tell me, who is misplacing all these Naira notes?

Think about it.

Do poor people lose money on the ground?

I had better take this walking profession seriously.

Day Four:

I bathed twice.

Anointed my slippers with shea butter.

Wore my ‘Goodluck’ singlet for good luck,

put on cologne,

and walked again

like destiny owed me rent.

Nothing.

Neither a kobo,

nor a recharge card paper.

I hissed.

It’s the enemies of progress!

The anti-Tinubu people.

Saboteurs.

OSENIsts!

Online witches.

They must have cleared the streets

to spoil his good name!

Day Five:

Aha! I saw it 

fluttering in the distant breeze.

₦1,000, maybe

even $5!

I raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…

My slippers clapped applause.

My heart shouted “Jagaban has done it again!”

I bent,

a leaf.

Nonsense!

A foolish, lying leaf, folded like fortune.

Still,

I will not give up.

Were the pyramids built in a day?

Tinubu’s blessings take time.

I just need to walk a little more.

Even God tested Job.

I know you might say:

“Truly

if things were so good,

would a father of six

be roaming the streets,

chasing crumpled Naira

like stray miracles on the floor?”

But I have no response

to canal minds

who cannot understand

that our God works

in mysterious ways!